Saturday, 2 July 2011
20.6.11 A summers night...
Another day another long ass walk to and from work... it's exhausting.
“I realize you’re afraid,
but you can’t abandon everyone...
You can’t escape”
19.6.11 Helicopters, bumper cars and a ghost train...
Took the guys to the Sultan Show this afternoon which was nice although we got drenched. But they got to go on the rides and eat ice cream which they enjoyed. I just wish I could regain some joy for life... everything just seems so numb now
“Because some people aren't looking for anything logical...
some people just want to watch the world burn.”
18.6.11 Black cats & voodoo dolls...
Late finish tonight and early start tomorrow so I stayed the night at Louise's in Lee. Went home, watched America's Next Top Model reruns and then fell asleep on the sofa only to be sat on at 3am by her cat Cleo who for the record is VERY heavy.
“Humans eh? Think they’re lords of creation.
Not like us cats. We know we are.
Ever seen a cat feed a human?
Case proven”
17.6.11 There is no rose without a thorn...
Day off today, nothing much to do... went to the gym... watched some TV. My life has become very very dull. Just need to keep my head down and get everything sorted so that I can start living again soon.
“Like the flower I too shall blossom in my own time...”
16.6.11 Early bird...
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
15.6.11 Gym on a rainy day...
Day off today but it was wet and miserable so I just ended up at the gym. It's weird now everybody has left... life is very dull when there's no one around.
“And I won't disturb the silence of her world”
14.6.11 Sunshine, picnic and feeding the ducks
Had to get up crazy early for work this morning and then took some of the guys out to have a picnic lunch and feed the ducks which was nice. Working is a pretty nice distraction from everything right now
“If it's because you are too weak to go on, then I will help you.
If it is because you don't want to go on...
then nobody on god’s earth can help you.”
13.6.11 Time flies...
Need to start looking for somewhere in gosport to move to this week. Gonna be sad to leave our little house though. I remember coming around this corner for the very first time with Sam and Jack 2 years ago to come and look at the place. Can't believe how quickly it's all gone
“We look back one more time...
the last glance at everything that should have lasted forever”
12.6.11 Tomorrow's my promise...
“This is my life; chasing a dream that fades away in the night”
11.6.11 Cinderella shan't go to the ball...
Not happy. Had to make do with looking at the photos from last years ball instead :(
"Wake me up when all is done, I won't rise until this battle's won, my dignity's become undone"
Friday, 10 June 2011
10.9.11 Some of us were not built for this place...
Nothing much to say. Still feeling pretty rough. I have the weekend off now though and I'm going to Bournemouth tomorrow so hopefully that'll cheer me up, along with these flowers :)
“I've woken now to find myself in the shadows of all I have created”
9.6.11 Waiting for the sky to fall...
So here in short is the memories of the past year. I'm so scared about being on my own and about where I go from here... this has not been a good few days to be honest. I feel very lost and very empty. Kind of like I just wanna hide away.
“You get through one day at a time, you find a way of staying numb, and don’t look in the mirror to see what you’ve become”
8.6.11 Bye bye blackberry...
Pretty sure that's not supposed to happen...
“Will you be my destruction?”
7.6.11 Paperwork overload...
So I finally started my new contract at work yesterday. Which basically means the same job but on a guaranteed 30 hour basis. Its nice going into a job that I already know with people I already know but there's a LOT of paperwork to get through! This is my view from the ferry. I'm gonna be moving across soon so I'll miss my little morning ferry rides
“Wasn’t I supposed to be someone who can face the things I’ve been running from?”
6.6.11 Many a road taken by many a friend, and each one I've never seen again...
Chris left today. It's gonna be very strange not having him around - half the time I think it's him that's keeping me sane. I'm not very good with goodbyes but I did have a bit of a cry on the way to work this morning. The saddest part about it is that I know this is it. We'll never in our lives be as close as we are now. When I think back over all my closest friends who I loved and relied on so much, who are now nothing more than an update in my facebook feed... it makes everything seem very unstable. And yet I know that more often than not it's my own fault - it's always me who walks away.
“I’m not being harsh or cold, just realistic.
I love you right here and right now but what about tomorrow?
When we’re all moving in different circles and making our way down paths in opposite directions?
Of course I’ll remember you, but I won’t hold on to you.
You will be replaced, it’s as easy and as simple as that.
And you will replace me too.
That’s just the way life is; people come and go and then they move on and so this intimacy we feel now
will soon be nothing but a happy memory.
So live, love and dance for the moment...
but don’t ever go thinking that it’s forever.”
5.6.11 Spring cleaning...
Definitely time for a tidy up. Need to start thinking about packing the room up soon to be honest... gonna be pretty sad to leave this house!
“Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown”
4.6.11 The morning rain clouds up my window...
My first weekend of freedom and it's miserable outside. Mind you it's pretty miserable inside too, everyone's rough and hungover from the houseparty.
“This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time”
3.6.11 It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...
This is the best summation of my day. Bed and supernatural... I feel like I need to sleep for a month!
“I’ll spend my whole life hiding my heart away”
2.6.11 In the end...
So I had my last exam this morning. It's taken 6 years and a hell of a lot of heartache to get here and I should be so excited that it's finally all over but I just feel a bit numb and tired to be honest. Maybe it hasn't sunk in properly, or maybe I'm just more scared by what happens next than I realised. Anyway after the exam me and mum went and had a walk down by the beach at Hayling island before having dinner at Las Iguanas with a Caipiroska to celebrate. It's just that honestly I don't feel all that much like celebrating.
“Who could have known how bittersweet this would taste”
1.6.11 The final countdown...
So the sun sets and in 24hours it will all be over... Red sky at night shepherd's delight? I'm gonna take it as a good omen!
“A new day is coming, and finally I will be free”
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