30.5.11 Bye bye Bournemouth... ♥

After being woken up by the rain and planes this morning I took yet another barefooted walk across the campsite to Kailan's car so he could drive me back to Josh's where I found out that my phone had been found and was ready for me to go and pick it up. Only catch, it meant me and Josh trekking half way across Bournemouth in the rain. Still... pretty lucky. I've lost count of how many times I have managed to lose and find that phone. So after our little hike, I packed up and got the bus to the station (missing my stop obviously... yet MORE walking!) and got on the train home. Challenging journey seeing as I felt horrific and cold but definitely worth it :) x x

If you’re going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance”

29.5.11 Human pyramids, zombies and camping in the rain...

Another day of cider drinking whilst jumping up and down in the kopparberg tent, building human pyramids, and laughing a LOT. At about 9.30 me and Josh headed off (after a quick nighttime go on a crazy samurai-style ride) to get changed for the evening before going down to Aruba where I was convinced to drink zombies (horrific!), bought lots of lollipops (again) and decided to try and sneak into the 7's campsite (which turned out to be surprisingly easy!). A few balloons later and most of the boys had passed out so I managed to find a cute little tent, a nice cosy sleeping bag and woke up a few hours later to hear the rain pounding on the roof and a lot of planes taking off overhead. Amazing weekend ♥

“Sleep all day, party all night, never grow old, never die”

28.5.11 Bournemouth 7's!!!

What a day. We danced for hours in the kopparberg tent, drank our body weight in cider and vodka and watched absolutely no rugby. Then after a quick trip back to Josh's to change, we headed out to the Firestation for more dancing, drinking and of course losing my phone. Standard.

“We are young and wild and free”

27.5.11 And breathe...

So after the stress of the last few days I decided NO revision today. I went to the gym, did some packing for the weekend with all my lovely new stuff and then crawled back into bed to watch hours and hours of Supernatural. Perfect.

“Well, contempt loves the silence, it thrives in the dark,

with fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart”

26.5.11 FOAM PARTY!!

Last exam of the week this morning (which I think went pretty well) so I spent the afternoon shopping for 7's this weekend which was awesome. This evening we all went out to Liquid for the end of term foam party which turned out to be AWESOME! I danced for hours and hours, we all got drenched by foam (a look that Thom is modelling in this photo), and then we walked back to Jon's house (barefoot naturally) where we were meet by Mo and James who had been in the library all night revising. Despite staying sober all night (decided to save myself for the weekend!) it was definitely one of the best nights out I've had at uni! ♥

“See me dancing in the rain... see me I'm insane”

25.5.11 Revision with a view...

Some last minute revision in the hotel (although this view was somewhat distracting!) and then a nice coffee at Cafe P before my exam this morning. It was probably the worst exam of my life but never mind at least it's over. Just in time to go home and start all over again for the one tomorrow.

“It's a shame you don't know what you're running from”

24.5.11 One down...

Drove down to Portsmouth for my first exam today and I think it went ok. That's one down three to go!! So Mum stayed down with me for the evening and we stayed in one of the beach front hotels which was lovely. In the evening once I'd done some revision we went for a nice walk along the sea front and around canoe lake which is where I took this picture. I can't believe it's nearly all over.

"There’s no need to stand and watch the bridges that we’re burning"

23.5.11 Happy Birthday Mum!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

After another looooong day revising Nannie and Poppie came round and we had some coffee and birthday cake while Mum opened her presents. Me and Chiara got her a Pandora charm, chocolate and ginger cocoa powder.

Look at the stars. See how they shine for you...

22.5.11 MUST.STAY.AWAKE...

Reeeeally struggling now, 2 days to go until my exams start so I really need to start pulling it all together. Hence the table covered in coffee mugs, pro-plus, eye drops and maple syrup. Desperate times...! All I want to do is get this over with so I can go. It doesn't even matter where, just away, where the sun is shining and the water's warm. I think that's what I'm most looking forward to to be honest... the total freedom of it all. Just going with the flow, chasing the wind, no plan, no destination.

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

21.5.11 Tidy room, tidy mind...

... better tidy up then! Seriously, last minute exam panic... paper strewn EVERYWHERE, brain feels like a blender. Not good.

“Have you ever confused a dream with life?

Or stolen something when you have the cash?

Have you ever been blue?

Or thought your train was moving while sitting still?

Maybe I’m crazy.

Or maybe I’m just a girl...

interrupted”

20.5.11 A cat among the flowers...

I've been taking cigarette breaks all day to try and keep focused and this black cat was sat in the garden in the same spot ALL DAY LONG. Good or bad omen... suppose it depends on your perspective!

“I’m old enough to take all the blame, for all the mistakes”

19.5.11 A walk through Bracknell's 'Blooming Biodiversity' wilderness...

Walked into Bracknell this morning for my hair appointment. Every time I go in there I'm struck by how much more dilapidated it looked than the last time. Blooming biodiversity maybe... or perhaps they've just given up. Anyway at least it was a nice day and I always feel better when my hair looks all shiny and new. Now back to revision...

“I felt like destroying something beautiful”

18.5.11 Tickets & syrup...

So my 7's tickets have arrived which means lots of lemons and maple syrup between now and next weekend. Really hoping it's gonna be a fun time after the stress of next week's exams. Had another leg appointment this morning where the doctor basically told me they don't really know what's wrong and I have to wait even longer to see if I can have this operation... very frustrating. I miss the days of early morning running along the lake/sea front, just me and the water and a bit of morning sun. Really clears your head out for the day. I guess I have a thing about running whether it's for clarity or just plain old running away... gotta keep moving. I'm afraid if I stop for too long I'll never get going again. And that means game over.

“I scare myself to death...

that's why I keep on running”

17.5.11 Let the bridges I burn light the way...

I so need to get away from here, thinking about it is all that keeps me going. I just feel like I need to escape from everything and everyone - I feel so claustrophobic within my own life, surrounded by reasons to feel not good enough and haunted by every mistake I've ever made. They say you can't run away from yourself or your problems... but I'm sure as hell gonna try ♥

“Everywhere I look, you’re all I see...

just the constant fucking reminder, of who I used to be.”

16.5.11 A watermelon a day...

Very dull day. Spent all day reading persuasion and influence lectures. Cheered myself up with watermelon :)

“Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is...

If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it.

If you ever wished you could be a child forever.

You see crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret...

it’s just you or me...

amplified.”

15.5.11 Happy Birthday to me! Aka, 2 pints of water and a packet of paracetemol...

I woke up with a banging hangover to find lots of water and painkillers waiting for me on the bedside table. Al really is a godsend after a night of vodka. I somehow managed to get back home where I met my mum, grandparents, Chiara and cousins Sian & Harry, for a nice pub meal before going back for birthday cake, strawberries and presents. Got a gorgeous makeup set from Mum and Chiara, my Bournemouth 7's ticket and travel money from mum, more travel money from Italy, a lovely big montage frame from Nannie and Poppie. And of course my awesome 'not a book' and chocolates from Vix and topshop giftcard from Nix. Basically a nice chilled day before getting back to work tomorrow.

“I’m only 24... I feel 100 years old”

14.5.11 London Baby... ♥

After frantically retrieving my shoes from Margate Road and been given tanning advice from the 50yr old taxi driver, I got on a train for London. Vicki and Nicky met me at Waterloo and we went and had a nice drink outside a nearby pub. Was lovely to catch up with the girls over a few vodka tonics in the sunshine! Afterwards me and Vix got the tube back to her house and made vodka cocktails with peachy water and rasberries which we then proceeded to drink on the bus onroute to house party number 1, a crazy eurovision themed party full of ex-kendrick girls where I was sang happy birthday to by a room full of people I don't know and presented with a bowl of icecream complete with a full size gold candle! After an hour or so and a lot of glitter, we decided to do a little pub hopping and it all blurs slightly from there, I remember a weird handsy Irish guy, talking Italian to an Albanian guy and Vix trying to set me up with some banker guy who was definitely gay. Somewhere along the line we met up with Vicki's boyfriend Steve and housemates caiome and Al (and also some random guy in a kilt called Graham...?). We did some dancing before collapsing in a taxi back to Vicki's (via KFC) where I tried to go to sleep in a corner of her floor using her teddies as pillows and her towel as a duvet but was luckily rescued and given a bed by Al. All in all another eventful night in London town with the BFF!

“I pray to the heavens to try to save her soul cos this sweet little angel is not the girl I know,

she puts on a show in front of the whole damn world,

they all think they know her...

but no one really knows that she goes a little crazy sometimes”

13.5.11 Loaded. Put it to my head baby...

Chico and watching Killing Bono were the highlights of this shitty shitty day

“I can feel inside me the sickness is rising”

12.5.11 Purple blooms...

Revision revision, revision... going CRAZY! On the plus side my pretty purple flowers have sprung up

“I promise, that one day, everything's going to be better for you”

11.5.11 Sleeeeeepy...

Trying to revise but feeling weirdly sleepy... then someone sent me this little video about making cute little cups of coffee. Not helpful.

“Don’t close your eyes... God knows what lies behind them”

10.5.11 Casual barefooted stroll around Southsea...

So after very little sleep I was woken up by the boys wanting to go to the pub. Feeling insanely hung over and actually afraid to move, I walked with them as far as Albert Road and then went as fast as I could, makeup and hair extensions all awry, back to my house. Oh and I wasn't wearing any shoes.

As you do.

Spent the rest of the day curled up with Chris and Mo, eating Chinese food and watching Extras and the Vampire Diaries.

“There’s beauty in a breakdown, don’t catch her when she falls,

let her crumble to the ground, bleeding tears will scratch her wrists,

her mascara washed face, her razorblade kiss...”

9.5.11 A Return to Tiger...

After thinking I was working tonight I got a pleasant surprise at about 7pm, a phonecall from Dave to say I didn't need to be in. Which of course meant only one thing, Andy's birthday celebrations. We all headed out to Tiger for the first time in months and after Rishi blagged us into VIP we danced for hours. We all then went back to their house, a few of us sharing a taxi to the Kwikimart for more vodka only to realise none of us had a penny to pay for it. We then finally got back only to realise we'd forgotten the cigarettes so poor Chris had to walk all the way back for them! Of course as always I didn't actually get any vodka because Chris and Mo drank it all and the only glass I got out of it was thrown all over the floor during a 'water' fight between Tilly and James. Probably for the best all in all. In the end everyone left, Goodspeed passed out on Will's bed (cue amazing videos of Will pouring baby lotion all over him) and I ended up staying up chatting to Rish til about 8.30 when we realised it was definitely day time outside and probably time for sleep!!

“If you promise to stay conscious, I will try and do the same,

we might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain ...

what seemed normal in the darkness, by the morning seems insane.”

8.5.11 Vixen's farewell performance & just a bit of carnage...

Went to Southampton to watch the Vixens perform together for the very last time and they were amazing as always although it was quite sad. In the evening Jack and Sam came down for the final carnage which was also a little emotional. Carnage was the first thing the 5 of us did as a house when we moved in and the last thing we will do as a 5 before Chris leaves for good. Was a good night though, tanning Sam and Jack (baywatch theme), cheap champagne and shots in Pure, Rihanna lyrics in Fuzzy Duck, scamming drinks off a random in Drift (was Drift even on the Tshirt?!), meeting lots of lovely new people in Liquid; Malawi Paul, Random Jack, Horny Sam and his confused housemate Tim ("How are you... and WHO are you??"), James Watson Jonny, and I'm sure others that I don't remember. Thats the thing about carnage, if you lose people, it's impossible to find them because EVERYONE is wearing the same thing, so you just end up talking to whoever is closest. At the end of the night we all somehow ended up sneaking into James Watson (and knocking on my old flat door although luckily no one answered!) where Sam and Jack ended up spending the night whilst me, Mo, Chris and Dave who seemed to have ended up with us by this point tried to navigate a taxi back to our house. All in all, lots of fun and carnage definitely lived up to its name!!

“Madness is the gift that has been given to me”

7.5.11 Sticky keys... Ok??

Got picked up from the boys' house by mum in the morning and proceeded to get some work done. Highlight of the day was Mum's bizarre fb conversation with Ry. In the evening it was back to work for an on-call. Got offered a can of Stella by a drunk on the train home. Weird.

"Always do sober what you said you'd do

drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

-Ernest Hemingway

6.5.11 Just keep Spinning...

Another day, another Manor trip with the boys. This is Ryan downing the shots Frog bought to appease the little drunken spat him and Josh got into. After a lot of vodka and a lot of laughing we inexplicably decided Wokingham was the way forward and piled into a taxi for Spin. Cue a lot of hazy memories of dancefloors, Rihanna songs, ill-advised texting and emotional smoking area conversations (in the rain) so far so standard. Even managed to stop off at Murat's on the way home for another little trip down memory lane. He said he remembered me... I suspect he didn't.

“Drunk on shadows and lost in a lie, killing ourselves, a kiss at a time”